


not right

by Anonymous



Category: Vinland Saga (Manga)
Genre: Brother/Brother Incest, M/M, PTSD, Sibling Incest, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, torgrim's not doing great!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22134268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: But, it's okay.
Relationships: Torgrim/Atli (Vinland Saga)
Kudos: 1
Collections: Anonymous





	not right

**Author's Note:**

> This one is based around Torgrim "waking up" shortly after they return home. Some consent issues due to guilt on Atli's side that he's concealing on purpose, but like... internal consent issues, not external.

It isn't right, what he's allowing to happen. Atli knows that. And he knows Torgrim doesn't care. His brother's hardly in his right mind, after all.

Except this is the only thing that gets Torgrim halfway to right, anymore. 

It was just checking him, at first. Making sure he's not hurt, like he was when he came home that time. Like the others all were, after he promised them it would work out. And the checking got more and more thorough, more worried, more desperate. And Atli knew what his brother wanted and he let him have it. Just because he was so happy to _know_ him again. There's so much space opened up between them, this is the only way left to close it. Being too close.

There are sacrifices that have to be made, for that space to close up, but that's how life always is. It's only Atli's manhood. Only the chance that they could ever have back what they did before. But his brother's happy when it happens, holds Atli like he's precious and like everything's normal again except this one small thing, and Atli lets it happen. Over and over.

Torgrim checks again when they're finished, every time—"You're sure you're all right? You're sure nothing's wrong?" And every time Atli tells him yes, he's fine, everything's fine, and he feels his brother relax for a few short hours of peace. It does leave him hurting sometimes, Torgrim's so desperate to make his little brother feel good, but he'd never say it. He got away so light from everything else, this is just making up for it.

His brother speaks to him as he would to a woman when they lie there together, and Atli talks back, and they never speak of how things used to be different. No one is ever going to replace him in these arms because Torgrim has nothing else left.

He holds Atli tighter and tighter as the minutes pass, the pressure building in his grip until Atli touches his hands gently and rubs his fingers and wrists, feeling the tension release out of his brother's body like a second climax, his breath coming in loose, exhausted pants as he remembers Atli's safe and they're not hurt. Everything's fine.

Torgrim's back is to the wall, always, after it happens, and Atli thinks sometimes that as much as his brother wants desperately to keep him safe, he's also the one being held up against the world as a shield. He'll let that happen, too. It's his fault that Torgrim can't hold a sword, can't live without him, can't tell right from wrong.

He doesn't have to teach himself to enjoy what comes after, which probably says something about the kind of man he is. (Or always was, he's learning.) He just accepts the soft touches and little kisses from the man that used to be the boy who showed him how to spit and skin a rabbit and piss shapes in the snow. And he likes it, because his brother is happy.

The memories of a life spent together slip to a darker shade, stained by what they've become. But memories don't weigh as much as the present. As much as the fear on his brother's face, who was never afraid before. If Atli were a stronger man he'd know another way to take away that fear. The man he is has only one talent—surrender to forces stronger than himself.

It's Atli's job to say no. Torgrim's not capable of judging things anymore, he can't be held responsible for what he wants or what he does. Atli isn't going to say no.

It isn't right. But it's for love.


End file.
